The Anti-Playbook for Project Managers

A Step-by-Step Guide to Killing Morale, Trust, and Productivity

There are good projects, bad projects, and ugly ones—those that make project members suffer. That suffering usually isn’t because of technical difficulties but because of the project leader. The “project manager,” “tech lead,” or whatever title they’ve acquired always has a private backchannel with the allies up the chain.

Below is their playbook. If you see it, don’t wait for kindness to fix it. It won’t. Gather the team, document everything, and escalate together.

Anti-Playbook for Project Managers

1. Weaponize The Culture

Every company has values. Use them to keep people accountable. Talk about “ownership” when project members can’t complete all the story points within the sprint. Don’t tell them openly, but make sure they understand they are a shame to the company. While reporting the status in a customer meeting with no team members but you, mention how specific individuals are failing the project. Tell team members to be transparent in meetings, only to filter the information you share from the customer (stakeholders).

When cornered, say

“I love our culture and I will do everything I can to reinforce the culture”.

They won’t be able to question company values, and they won’t be prepared like you anyway. Just speak nonstop for a while about company culture, values, and why they matter.

2. Don’t Trust the Experts

Technical people are cute with their “facts,” “data,” and “experience.” They can’t even agree on what can or can’t be done. Remind them that you understand the customer better, even though you haven’t used the product once. If they push back, tell them they “lack business context.” It works every time. Poor experts, they don’t even understand what the customer really wants. You do.

When someone presents data that contradicts you, nod slowly and with confidence, say;

“I hear you, but we need to be more strategic.”

They will short-circuit and will not even question what it would mean to be strategic.

3. Make Yourself the Bridge

Your job is to “shield” the team by cutting off all communication with the customer. Make sure the team knows what they are capable of understanding, which is usually not much. Just tell them what needs to be done. Don’t waste the team’s time with reasoning. When things go wrong, just say, “I communicated that last week.”

Tell the team;

“I am doing all I can to shield you guys from the customer non-sense.”

Call yourself the “bridge” in the meetings so they understand things have to come and go through you. It sounds very efficient.

4. Micromanage with Confidence

Demand daily updates, hourly stand-ups, and color-coded Gantt charts for two-day tasks. Don’t hesitate to call any project member at any time to get an update so you know where the team stands at any given point. Ask them what they will do, if they are doing it, and if they are done.

Use the customer as the driver, even when they are not. You know, they will not deliver if you don’t check often and create a sense of urgency. Tell the team member,

Hey Jen, I need to create a report for the customer (I don’t really but…) where do you stand with the task ABC? Also, I saw you put 8 hours on the time card for this task, can you explain me why it is taking that long? I just want to be able to defend it when the customer asks (they don’t really ask but…).

Nothing says “trust” like triple-checking an engineer’s time entry.

5. Take Credit, Deflect Blame

If it wasn’t for you, this project would fail anyway. If the project is on track, it’s because of your “strong leadership.” When things don’t go as well, it’s because of “execution gaps.” It is simple: these engineers can not execute the plan. You knew they wouldn’t be able to on day one.

It is all your success, as any engineer could execute the plan. Use “we” when the team succeeds, so you will sound like a team player. Say “team” when engineers can’t deliver.

We did a great job this sprint.

vs

Unfortunately, the team couldn’t deliver all the stories this sprint.